How to Nail the Perfect First Impression Online

"Project yourself as a nice guy to her"

“Project yourself as a nice guy to her”


An online relationship has a chance for two first impressions: online first impression, and in person first impression. If you don’t nail the first, you’re not going to get a chance at the second. Since a lot of online relationships don’t even get past those first few, awkward moments, the key is to focus on keeping her talking to you. The longer you talk, the higher the chance that she’s liking what she’s reading.

Open with a Joke

Don’t open with a knock-knock joke, or three paragraphs about a drunken Irishman. Open with a joke really means to open with a lighthearted interchange that she might appreciate. For example, if she lists a certain band on her profile whose third album is widely regarded to be terrible, you can open with a line about totally forgiving the band for the third album because the first two are the soundtrack to your life. This is just a bit of banter to show that you read her profile and the two of you totally have something in common.

Give Her 3 Things to Respond To

"Ask her questions to carry on the conversation"

“Ask her questions to carry on the conversation”


Knowing how long to make your opening message can be so tricky. You’re not going to get anywhere with most women with “hey, what’s up?” At the same time, you don’t want to write pages and pages to someone who might not even answer. How can you tell her that you’re interested, show that you’re capable of carrying on a conversation, and keep her interested all at the same time? A great rule is to give her three things to respond to, and then end the message. Opening with a little crack about a shared interest is one thing. Then give her two more openings. A great opening would be a little question about where she went to college, if it’s listed. The third one is up to you, but it should be about some sort of potentially shared hobby, goal, or interest. Then just sign off and see what she chooses to answer. If she never gets back to you, it’s not like you wasted a lot of time.

Go for Conversation, Not an Immediate Date

If you’ve been ending first messages with offers to get coffee and get to know one another better, stop it. As a general rule, women are trained to think that men on the Internet probably want to kill them. Trying to move too fast will just send up red flags. And yeah, that’s a little unfair and a little extreme (what, are you going to stab her right in the coffee shop?), but that’s the way things are. So your goal with the first message and the messages that immediately follow it are just to keep her talking. Chat about sports, her hobbies, even the weather. The longer she talks to you the more time she has to realize that you’re a nice guy she should go on a date with, as opposed to a creepy Internet murderer.

Keep these tips in mind when you’re drafting that first message and you’ll be surprised how many more responses you get.

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